When do you do the most introspection? Most of my friends come to me for extremes (which makes me think many things about myself!)
- A crazy good time (which we will probably not remember)
Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with you – each and every crazy one of you. BUT, my absolute favorite thing is trading secrets! What should we do? What would you do? What should I do? That is MY favorite!
I love you for THAT! To me that means you care. I love fresh white snow, because it’s beautiful… but afterward when the cars and trucks have driven over it… again and again… and tainted it brown… that’s when it’s my favorite. Call me crazy but that’s what’s beautiful. (Hint…totally different than EATING yellow snow… pervs.) In all reality we are like that dirty snow. Our clothes have tears, our skin has scars and so do our souls. I want nothing more than to be the patches on your jeans – if, that is – you would let me. So why is it that we hide our imperfections and insecurities but struggle to let someone else be our binding force? Pride. Fear. The last time.
I don’t mean anything by my desire for closeness other than just wanting to know more. It makes me whole. I want to know you. I have NO intent to harm, but this is MY weakness. So how could a good thing be so bad? When it comes to relationships of any kind – there’s a certain amount of investment that’s inherent. Commitment and loyalty are unspoken but expected. After nearly 8 years of investment and no return, my heart (that’s desperate to be near all of YOU), has begun to build a barrier. Let’s describe this barrier as the Great Wall of China – Part II. It’s hard to fight for what you want over a wall like that!
After a couple crazy weeks and one really messy holiday I reached out to one of my best friends for some much-needed advice. What should we do? What would you do? What should I do? He put everything into focus.
Aren’t we all just beating around the bush anyway? When you want it, it will happen. When it’s 50/50, you believe what’s spoken – no questions asked, and when the effort is there. “You’ll know. And you deserve it.” I think he’s right, not just for me – but for everyone. It should be easy. Reading the paper in silence will be okay. Resting my head on your chest will feel good. You’ll like watching me leave the room because you’ll be thinking about the next time I’m coming back.
I’m willing to break down enough of my wall to fight for the way I should be treated – I am enough.
…and so are you.
“Brick by brick we can build it from the floor
If we hold onto each other we’ll be better than before
And brick by brick we’ll get back to yesterday
When I made your body shiver and when you took my breath away” –Train