When you travel you are usually allowed one checked bag, one small carry-on and one personal item – if you’re lucky. After decades of personal experience, I have so much baggage I can hardly walk down the street – will they let me on the plane, or better yet will I even make it through security? Try as we may to unpack these bags, it seems to prove a daunting task.
Family suitcase – definitely not a carry-on. There goes an extra $25 down the drain.
Okay okay, I will stop with the analogies. Why is it that we smile when we talk about old wounds? “It’s ok, I’m not mad anymore. It’s okay, I’m not sad anymore…” We’re coping. Everyday. We’re getting by. We having to live with OURSELVES.
Sometimes I cringe, literally, when people ask me about my family. I feel less appealing when my history is transparent. We strive to be the total package and I want the total package. I want someone who loves their family – good and bad, thick and thin. But do I offer the same? Probably not. All I can offer is the hope I can do better the next time around. Don’t get me wrong, I do LOVE my family - well most of them! I think we all work with what we have, but then again, some were dealt a better hand than others. What I’m trying to say is, I wish I was still left with my original playing cards. More than that – I wish those cards had wanted to stick the game out with ME. Talk about deep-rooted self-doubt!
Life is scary, and it’s dark. Life is taken away too soon, and some choose to give it away. As a witness to both situations, I have questioned Him. What is the meaning? Does He exist? I was raised to think so, but then again – there are times where you really begin to question “the plan”. The struggle to find that meaning ruins relationships and tears down even the strongest spirit.
Through all of this I’ve learned two things about the relationship between people AND the relationship with yourself. First, those heavy bags go wherever you go. They’re like a shadow, sure to follow. You can run, you can hide… you can smile… they’re still going to be there. Secondly, sooner or later, like laundry day (that I K N O W you all hate) you will have to face it, unpack, and deal.
My current coping mechanism – airing out my laundry up front. Total honesty. If you aren’t scared, I like you. That means you probably have your grown up panties on. I LIKE GROWN UP PANTIES. Now you just have to get rid of me. Final boarding call – and I’m already buckled in, phone = airplane mode. :)