Monthly Archives: April 2012

Apr30

Bar Banter

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In my usual style, and a subconscious effort to create a real life version of Cheers… I have a tendency to become obsessed with bars.  I choose a late night watering hole and make myself at home.  After a cocktail or two my usual M.O. is to spread my attention far and wide.  I am, if nothing else, a people-pleaser, talking to everyone around me within speaking range.  I have come to find though, that this actually a personality flaw.  Sometimes spreading myself too thin, my friends and acquaintances become annoyed.  Trusting too quickly and beginning to feel a false sense of security in my surroundings with people I hardly know.

This is sort of oxymoronic because after some self-reflection I have come to realize I trust strangers more than I do those “closest” to me.  I think it all has something to do with actually getting hurt and what really matters at the end of the day.  If a stranger tells me to “go kick rocks” it’s no big loss… however, receiving the same message from your best friend hurts like a shot straight through the heart.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out I was playing it all wrong and it all came back to bite me in the rear and teach me one big karmic lesson (which I believe I was about 7-10 years late, but I’m thankful nevertheless).

So the weekends lesson:  Most recently, I started hanging out at a place near my nine-to-five that had a decent happy hour, Irish sweets, and giant TV’s… what more could you ask for – right?  Well there is a reason its name begins with Ton and ends with ICK… because it sure is icky; and I learned an ICKY lesson.  Without gumming up my BLOG with the gross details of a bar that is trapped in adolescent drama I learned the following things:

1. Life is sometimes unfair.

2. Sometimes YOU are the one getting the short end of the stick, just get over it.

3. Never trust strangers (I think most parents try to teach you this one, but apparently I wasn’t listening.)

And most importantly when one ICKY door closes … so opens:

- Verlaine’s door

- Boss Tweed’s door

- Home Sweet Home’s door

- People Lounge’s door

- Exchange Bar’s door

Not to mention that I was able to see several old friends that I would have never run into if I had my butt glued to a seat in a crappy midtown bar.

So here’s to you ICKY bar, for shutting your door.  Sometimes I need to learn the hard way (but let’s just keep it at sometimes.)

:)

xo

Apr27

Good ‘ol Green Eyes

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What does it mean to look someone in the eye.  The cliché is that the eyes are the window to the soul; so do words mean the same thing when you say them looking straight in the eye or straight at the floor?  There was a time in my life when the person with the steady hand, the smooth talker, and the one who would look me dead in the face was the first person I would believe.

Hook.  Line. Sinker.

Perhaps this was due to the proverbial spoon-feeding of books and articles about eye contact and body language telling us that after one wrong look and we are all criminals.  But let me ask you this: when has generalizing ever been worth anything?  Like a pair of teenagers on a bender – I seem to have no control over my little green orbs.  They don’t discriminate against who I’m peeping at – whether I love you or hate you sometimes it’s just impossible for me to look up… sometimes I can’t look away.  Though one thing is always consistent, when I’m angry or being sarcastic I could stare you down for as long as it takes.

What do your eyes do?  Are they obedient; are they trustworthy?  Please share with me your experiences, observations, and most importantly whether or not you judge someone at first glance.  I hope not!

Apr23

Set The World on Fire

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So just a quickie – because we all know they are great.  I don’t know when it started – the bad habits, fear, living irrationally.  However I am pledging to make this quarter more successful than the last.

25-125-9-5 & ‘Tine free.  Maybe I should play the lotto?  I’m so close yet so far – but never so far that I know I won’t get there.

Now for the meat and potatoes…

After a quick yet meaningful talk with an old friend not too long ago – I feel that things were not only put back into perspective, but that I got a the little push that I needed (some friendly motivation).  We spoke about our history, our favorite moments that will “bond” us for life, and the reasons that I truly love and admire him as a person.  It was interesting to talk about our favorite times because they were different for each of us.  My friend’s favorite moment really pointed out to me how important it is to reach out.  There have been many times in my life that I have thought about my friends and family but kept it to myself – how much I loved them and missed them.  If you’re thinking about someone, just tell them.  It seems so simple – so why sometimes is it SO hard?  And it may make a difference in someone’s life; you never know.  I know that there have been times that I really wished someone had reached out to me and hadn’t; and conversely people have surprised me with their kindness.  I wish to be the latter.

Be thoughtful.

Be kind.

Reach out.

As for my favorite moment – a bit more lighthearted, and from way back when we were crazy kids.  A true test of friendship, something that was embarrassing in the moment but that you move past and laugh at when you get older.  I love him for that.  I will also take it to the grave (this is because I actually do love you).

Finally, we talked about living without regrets.  I don’t want to look back at my life and say I never did “XXX” because I was too scared.  I told him that I was envious and so proud of him for his cross country move.  This is something that I always wanted to do (still want to do) – but continue to chicken out of.  How will I finance it?  I will need to find a job first.  How will I move my things?  I won’t know anyone… how will I manage?  There are a million reasons not to but a million a one that are pushing me forward.  I don’t want any regrets.

So, putting this new motivation into action, I have decided that I can no longer take certain parts of my life for granted.  I must push forward with full force.  And finally, once again – make this quarter the best of all… absolutely no regrets.

“Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.”  Philippians 3:13-15 (ESV)

Apr3

Rutabagas, pummelos, and chayote squash.

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Is it okay to be selfish?  We are taught by our parents to share our toys, to serve dinner to our friends first, always spare someone else’s feelings (this is the one time lying is sometimes acceptable – we are talking about white lies here).  So, when does the time come to put our own needs first?  How do you figure out what you like and want if you’re worrying – constantly – about everyone else?  These questions (and their answers) lead me to believe that it is sometimes necessary to be selfish in order to find your passion.

I want to seize an entire day – heck an entire weekend – to chase my interests, and go wherever it may lead me.  Others can follow my lead; they may join along in my plans – but they are indeed my plans.  

Why is it then that coming up with a weekend’s worth of plans completely on my own is a bit like being hung to dry by my toenails?  It’s scary, almost painful, but sure to teach me a lesson.

Let’s picture it…

Saturday.

I would appreciate sleeping to start things off, though not past 9:45AM.  Sleeping much later really wastes a good portion of your day.   To follow this up – an immediate Starbucks run and a walk to the East River – dog and camera in tow.  Approximately two Venti refills later, a couple hours of walking, dog parking, and picture snapping I would circle my way back to my apartment and take approximately 30-40 minutes to take a shower.  My logic here is simple: when I decide to take my sweet time listening to loud music, windows open (winter or summer) eating yogurt and dropping clothes one piece at a time all over my apartment… it’s going to take a while.  AND if this is my day… I will be practicing my “moves” during the whole ordeal; not to worry folks… I usually justify my routine by labeling it exercise, so we’re all good!

Now, after I’ve cleaned myself up, it is time for the rest of my day – and oh, the possibilities… I have half left!  I believe I would like to dedicate a good portion of that time to the Union Square Farmer’s market.  This is a great set up on the Lower East Side – local farmers and vendors, fresh produce, everything is outside… excellente…

City Harvest also gets volunteers to collect leftover produce that the local farmers/vendors weren’t able to sell over the weekend to charity.  Now, it doesn’t get any better than that.

I would most definitely try my hardest to swing a small volunteer gig into “my” weekend.

After the  ”shop ’til I drop”  experience at the market and most likely struggling to carry home vast amounts of fruits, vegetables, and handmade soap… mmm, soap…  I would lug it all back up into my apartment to create a new concoction.  I find, one of my guilty pleasures is to create a new meal based around a item I’ve never had before.  Bring on the rutabagas, pummelos, and chayote squash…  My absolute favorite thing to buy from the market: an assortment basket of hot peppers - chilies, jalapenos, habaneros… everything tastes better spicy.  Insert stomach of steel jokes here.  I’ve earned them!

Thoroughly satisfied with my fresh meal – on my day – I would go (with or without company) to a movie of my choice.  Sometimes, it is almost better to go to a movie alone.  Now call me crazy – but no one can tease you for freaking out if you are scared or laughing at inappropriate moments if you are there in the privacy of your own company.

Sunday Funday.

Sunday is go-to-the-park-day; the park of choice being of course Central Park.  So – on this very special weekend… (weather permitting) camera, dog, journal, kindle, and snacks packed up – it would be off to the park.  I really could waste hours ( upon hours…) at the park.  I love to watch people, in the non-I’m-about-to-chop-you-up-and-put-you-in-my-freezer sort of way, of course.  I helps me write, think, paint, photograph, it helps pretty much do everything.  I don’t know if that is because it is one of the quietest places in Manhattan?  Or if because it is some of the “freshest” air?  Nevertheless, I’ve found this ritual to be most enjoyable alone as well.

With other people I feel compelled to fulfill a mission or end in a particular destination.  I feel constantly pushed as if in a “hurry up and wait” mentality where my company’s presence shoves me one beat off what would be a perfectly syncopated rhythm.

Alone – I am free to snap photos, walk the dog, sketch, and read anything from best sellers to bargain books.

I’m not completely sure why – but being outside all day is satisfying yet draining.  By the time evening sets in I would most definitely have my mind zeroing in on real food, more specifically homemade pizza, and a bottle of red wine.  All consumed in the safety of my porch.  Twinkling holiday lights are lit year round and set a peaceful ambiance.  My cheeks warm from wine, my muscles loose, my hair still wet from a quick shower to wash off the day…I would slip into bed.

Now, this really was just my weekend.  What are your 20′s for – if not to be selfish?