Okay – so, I admit, my committment level has been lackluster. However I vow in 2012 to change this, among other things in my life. Enough said, and moving forward.
So what does it mean to give 100%? How about 110%? What if your best just isn’t quite enough? Well lately that seems to be happening a lot. At work. In relationships. In my life in general. I know boo-hoo, am I done with my pity party yet? All is not lost though. Failure, though it seemed to come at me like a tsunami, taught me something. I wasn’t being – and in some ways I am still not being an active participant in my own life. Being happy sometimes takes more work than you may realize. If you want it, you have to go out there and make it happen for yourself.
If you don’t like your job, than you have to find a new one – YOU have to find it. No one else is going to find you one. If you are stuck waist deep in a rut of a relationship, than it is your job to dig your way out. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I wanted to stop waking up wondering “why am I so unhappy?” and I needed answers. Even without all my problems fixed, just taking back that little bit of control, realizing that it IS really up to me is empowering.
So what now?
Well I know I’m not alone in this. After years of being lost in other people’s interest, lives, hobbies… it is easy to forget what you want to do. If I could choose to do anything at all – anything – with my Saturday, and I didn’t have to answer to anybody, what would I do? Would I go shopping? Maybe but I don’t have a lot of cash. Would I volunteer? That sounds fun (time to do some research, thank you Google). I was just given a new camera for Christmas, maybe start taking some photos for a couple of hours every Saturday or Sunday morning? Would I start going to the gym again? Hahaha, that was a joke.
It’s hard to see the light when someone else is smothering your teeny-tiny little candle, so grab it back people.